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How to Cope with Grief: Practical Steps for the Hard Days
How to cope with grief begins with one steady fact: grief is the natural emotional response to loss, healthdirect says. You do not have to move through every stage of grief, or go through them in a set order, the NHS notes. The US National Institute on Aging, writing with older adults in mind, says there is no right or wrong way to mourn. The Better Health Channel says grief does not have a timeline and may be felt over an extended period.
What grief can feel like
Grief can come in waves, seeming to fade in intensity for a while before coming back, healthdirect says. The NHS adds that grief might feel chaotic and out of control, but those feelings will eventually become less intense over time.
Everybody reacts to grief, loss and death differently, healthdirect says. MedlinePlus notes that grief should not be prevented because it is a healthy response to loss.
For most people, the intensity of grief eases over time, healthdirect says. The Better Health Channel also says everyone grieves in their own way, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Birthdays and anniversaries may be difficult for a bereaved person, healthdirect notes. If you feel the need to cry, go ahead and cry, the Better Health Channel says.
When a hard date is coming, you could plan something gentle for that day, or ask someone to check in with you. You could keep a note of dates that feel hard and decide in advance how you want to spend them.
Small things to try today
The NHS suggests not trying to do everything at once and setting small targets you can easily achieve. You could set one small target for today that you can easily achieve, such as making a cup of tea or stepping outside for a minute.
You could try to keep a simple routine, eat something easy, and rest when you can. It is okay to do only what fits your day. You do not have to eat full meals or keep normal hours; small sips of water, a piece of toast, or a short rest count.
The US National Institute on Aging, which writes with older adults in mind, says keeping busy and taking care of details can help at first. You could fold one pile of laundry or answer one short message, then stop.
The US National Institute on Aging also says sharing memories and stories about the person who has died can help people support each other. You could write down one memory, or say one story out loud to someone who understands.
The US National Institute on Aging says it helps to let family and friends know when you want to talk about your loved one. You could send one text: "I'd like to talk about them today."
You could also let people help with practical things, like asking someone to bring a meal or sit with you. Letting people help does not mean you owe them a conversation; it can simply mean saying yes when someone offers to do a shop or take a call. You could mark the person in your own way, such as lighting a candle or cooking a dish they liked.
The NHS suggests talking about your feelings with a friend, family member, healthcare professional or counsellor. If you want to put it into words, Wren, the AI on this site, can listen; it is an AI, not a person, a therapist or a counsellor. Wren points you to people: when a friend, a GP or a counsellor could help, it says so.
The US National Institute on Aging suggests delaying major life decisions until you are feeling better, if you have a choice. If you can, put off big decisions like moving house or changing jobs.
When to see a GP or counsellor
If you are dealing with a major loss and finding it difficult to cope, see your doctor, healthdirect says.
sad.chat's page on talking to a person puts it plainly: if low mood has lasted more than two weeks, if you have stopped enjoying most things, or if it is getting in the way of work, study or looking after yourself, talk to a GP or a licensed counsellor.
If you are thinking about harming yourself or not feeling safe, you can find people to reach now on the urgent help page.
Sources
Grief is not a problem you have to solve today. Be as kind to yourself as you can, and take the next small step when you are ready.