- Home
- What helps
- Guide
Loneliness: Why It Hurts and Small Ways to Feel Less Alone
Loneliness is the painful feeling that comes from a gap between the social connection you want and the connection you have, and the World Health Organization reports that one in six people worldwide is affected, that strong social connections can lead to better health and a longer life, and that social connection can protect health across the lifespan. For you, that can mean the ache is real and shared by many people, and that working on connection is worth taking seriously. This guide sets out what that gap can look like and offers a few small things you can try today to feel less alone.
Being alone and feeling lonely are different
Loneliness and isolation are not the same, and you can feel lonely even if you are not isolated, healthdirect says. In practice, a full room can still feel empty if the closeness you want is not there.
The NHS says you do not have to be on your own to feel lonely, since many people feel lonely in a relationship or while spending time with friends or family. That can be confusing: you can care about someone and still miss a kind of connection you do not have.
Feeling lonely does not mean there is something wrong with you, Beyond Blue says. It can help to treat the feeling as a signal about connection, not as a verdict on you.
Loneliness can come and go
Some people feel lonely only at certain times, such as Sundays or Christmas, while others feel lonely all the time, which is sometimes called chronic loneliness, the NHS says. If your low feelings come and go with the calendar, that pattern has a name and you are not the only one living with it.
Occasional loneliness is normal, but persistent loneliness can affect mental health, Beyond Blue says. If the feeling stays for a long stretch, it is worth taking seriously and getting support, rather than waiting for it to pass on its own.
Small things to try today
Today, you could start small by saying hi to a neighbour or a shopkeeper, Beyond Blue suggests. That might mean greeting the person at the corner shop by name, or saying hello to someone in your building; it is a tiny step, not a cure.
Joining a group or class that focuses on something you enjoy can help, and you could ask to go along and just watch first if you feel nervous, the NHS suggests. That makes the first step smaller: you are not committing to a conversation, just to being in the room.
Volunteering is a great way to meet people and find a sense of purpose, healthdirect says. Giving a few hours to a local cause puts you alongside other people with a shared task, which can make conversation easier.
Try talking about your feelings to a friend, family member, healthcare professional or counsellor, the NHS suggests. If saying it out loud feels too big, you could write it down first, or send a short message to one person you trust.
Comparing yourself with others on social media can make you feel lonelier, because people often share only the good things, the NHS says. If scrolling leaves you feeling worse, it is okay to put the phone down and step away for a while.
When to talk to a person
If you feel lonely or isolated, you can talk to your doctor or a counsellor for support and advice, healthdirect says. That conversation can be a way to get help that fits your situation, not a last resort.
sad.chat’s how Wren works page puts it plainly: if low mood has lasted more than two weeks, if you have stopped enjoying most things, or if it is getting in the way of work, study or looking after yourself, talk to a GP or a licensed counsellor.
If you want to put it into words, Wren, the AI on this site, can listen; it is an AI, not a person or a counsellor. You can read more on how Wren works.
If you are thinking about harming yourself or not feeling safe, you can find people to reach now on the urgent help page.
Loneliness can make the day feel heavy, and small steps will not fix everything at once. Trying one small way to reach out, or talking to a person who can help, is still a way of taking the feeling seriously.